Happy summer,
Your AP scores are in. Please go to the College Board site and check out your results. You can email them to me privately at sodonnell@crec.org. I have my fingers crossed for you!
Ms. O'Donnell
Friday, July 5, 2013
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Thursday, June 13th
1. Hand in your textbooks and workbooks.
2. Discuss lunch plans.
3. Discuss next year's schedules and classes.
4. Discuss summer reading questions.
2. Discuss lunch plans.
3. Discuss next year's schedules and classes.
4. Discuss summer reading questions.
Monday, June 10, 2013
Thursday, June 6, 2013
Friday, June 7th: College Essay Self-Reflection
AP Literature and Composition Name ___________________________
College Essay Final Draft Self-Assessment
Directions: Select one of the following for each question: Absolutely, Somewhat, Not at All
1. My opening hooks the reader. _____________________
2. By the end of the introduction, the reader
knows the focus/main idea of my essay._________________
3. My introduction sets a compelling and/or
interesting tone. _________________
.
4. I have smooth transitions/clever links
between the ideas I mention and between_________________
sentences.
5. There is a smooth shift from the narrative/_________________
opening idea and the “leap.”
6. My personality comes through. The reader can
tell what I care about. The reader gets a sense of __________________
who I am and can visualize me.
7. My subject and presentation of the ideas in my__________________
essay are interesting/fresh/original.
8. My essay is organized and has a clear follow-
through on the central idea.__________________
9. The details and examples are specific; they truly
allow my reader to see, hear, smell, touch, taste ___________________
(picture) the subject.
10. The conclusion of my essay gives the reader
a sigh of appreciation, a sense of closure or ___________________
completion, an “ah-ha” feeling.
11. My essay is strong grammatically and stylistically.
My sentences are varied and syntax enhances the___________________
essay.
12. This essay represents my best, most polished work.____________________
This is the message that I hope an admissions officer receives about me after reading my essay:
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
What was the most valuable feedback you received from one or both of our peer editing days? Be specific.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
How did this peer editing feedback influence or alter your essay as it "exists" in its final stage? Be specific.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
What college research, scholarship submitting, planning, visiting, etc. are you planning to do over the summer? Be honest and realistic.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Thursday, June 6th - College Essay Peer Editing
College Essay Peer Editing Round 2
Name of Author:___________________________ Name of Peer Editor:___________________
Directions: Trade papers with a partner and complete the following steps.
STEP 1:
Read your partner’s paper VERY carefully. Make comments/suggestions/grammatical and other corrections as you go. When you have finished reading their paper, answer the following questions for them.
STEP 2:
1. Does the opening hook the reader? Explain.
2. By the end of the introduction, do we know the focus/main idea of the essay? What is it?
3. Are the author’s achievements/background/goals/stengths/etc. mentioned in a natural way? Name some of them below:
4. Are there smooth transitions between ideas/paragraphs? If so, list a few below. If not, tell them where their paper is a bit awkward. Does each paragraph have a topic sentence that ties into the theme?
5. Does the writer’s personality come through? Do we know what the speaker cares about? Do we get a sense of “who he or she is”? List some examples of how the author achieves this.
7. Is it organized? Is there a clear follow through on the central idea/theme throughout the essay (ex: Birkenstocks)? Is this theme mentioned throughout the entire paper?
8. Are the details and examples specific—do they truly allow you to see, hear, smell, touch, taste (picture) the subject? List at three examples where they use sensory language:
9. Are there passive "to be" verbs or active verbs driving the essay. Think, "show, don't tell." Explain or point out concerns.
10. Does the conclusion of the essay give you a sigh of appreciation, a sense of closer or completion, an “ah-ha” feeling? What is it? (Write it below). If not, give them some suggestions as to how to achieve this.
11. What are the strengths of this essay? Be specific. What needs the most improvement? What recommendations would you give to the writer before his/her next revision?
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
Monday, June 3, 2013
Thursday, May 30, 2013
Friday, May 31st, College essay selection day
Do Now:
Take out your 3 copies of your (draft) essays.
Begin looking at your writing, objectively.
What does each of the essays say about you?
SWBAT:
Analyze and reflect objectively on their own writing, as if from the eyes of a college admissions officer.

College
Essay Selection Day
Now that you have completed 3 different
versions of your college essay, it is time to decide which essay best captures “you”
and the information that you would like to convey to college admissions
officers.
Whichever essay you decide to develop,
edit and revise, understand that you will be spending considerable time with
the topic. Please put significant thought into your selection. In order to assist you, I’m asking you to
answer the following questions.
Essay # 1
Title:
______________________________________________________________________________
General topic:
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Message I’m trying to convey about “me”:
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
My general level of satisfaction with the
topic and message:
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Essay # 2
Title:
______________________________________________________________________________
General topic:
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Message I’m trying to convey about “me”:
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
My general level of satisfaction with the
topic and message:
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Essay # 3
Title:
______________________________________________________________________________
General topic:
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Message I’m trying to convey about “me”:
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
My general level of satisfaction with the
topic and message:
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
As a result of this reflection, I have
decided to move forward with:
Essay #
______________________________________________________________________
I am committing to develop this because: ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Tuesday, May 28th - Gatsby Movie Reviews
Reminder:
Your 3rd draft of a college essay is due on Friday, May 31st.
Do Now:
Think about yesterday's viewing of The Great Gatsby.


Your 3rd draft of a college essay is due on Friday, May 31st.
Do Now:
Think about yesterday's viewing of The Great Gatsby.
- By what were you the most impressed ?
- By what were you the least impressed ?
Prepare to share your thoughts.
SWBAT:
Critically assess the modern adaptation of F. Scott Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby, by combining several current movie reviews with the student's own observations.
Your assignment:
Create a movie review of the modern version of The Great Gatsby. Take on the voice and persona of a movie critic. Make sure to substantiate your claims with specific evidence from the novel and movie. You must quote from at least one published movie review in your own review. Movie reviews must be a 250-300 words and are to be posted to the blog by Thursday, May 30th.
1. A truly great ‘Gatsby’
DiCaprio dazzles in ‘Baz Age’ tale
- By LOU LUMENICK
Baz Luhrmann’s “The Great Gatsby” is the first must-see film of Hollywood’s summer season, if for no other reason than its jaw-dropping evocation of Roaring ’20s New York — in 3-D, no less.
Given the director’s penchant for visual bombast and the superhero-sized budget at his disposal, it’s also surprisingly satisfying (and text-faithful) as a dramatization of F. Scott’s Fitzgerald’s classic novel — thanks to stellar work by Leonardo DiCaprio in the title role and Tobey Maguire as his neighbor and only true friend, Nick Carraway.
Luhrmann and co-writer Craig Pearce (his collaborator on "Moulin Rouge''!) have emphasized Carraway’s role as Fitzgerald’s alter ego by first showing him as a patient at an alcoholism sanitarium, urged by a shrink to exorcise his memories of the fateful summer of 1922 by writing them down.
Warner Bros. Pictures
CLASSY CLASSIC: Leonardo DiCaprio stars as Jay Gatsby and Carey Mulligan as his love interest, Daisy Buchanan, in Baz Luhrmann’s “The Great Gatsby.”
Matt Hart
The faintly homoerotic relationship between Jay Gatsby and Nick at times tends to overshadow Gatsby’s doomed and tireless romantic pursuit of Daisy (Carey Mulligan) — a one-time sweetheart and Nick’s cousin who is now married to Tom Buchanan (Joel Edgerton), a boorish scion of old money.
Gatsby, who lives in nouveau riche West Egg, devotes seemingly endless hours staring across the harbor at a green beacon in front of the mansion where the Buchanans live.
The enigmatic millionaire and rumored bootlegger certainly isn’t much interested in the spectacular parties he gives in his own, no-less-impressive mansion. But director and master showman Luhrmann certainly is, and it’s the closest any of us will ever get to that gilded and vulgar age of nearly a century ago. (The fabulous production design is by Luhrmann's wife and longtime collaborator, Catherine Martin).
The first party scene -- there are two big ones, as well as a definitive speakeasy sequence -- is a real wowser, with exaggerated colors that give us a look at what that era's two-strip Technicolor might have looked like in 3-D. Overall, I don't think the 3-D adds anything, and it's downright distracting when when the stereoscopic effect lags behind Luhrmann's hyperactive camera in the early part of the movie, not to mention the strange-looking stereoscopic conversion of colorized stock and newsreel footage.
Yes, he does deliberately mix and match period details, like the Empire State Building rising a decade too early, or Beyoncé sharing musical honors with George Gershwin’s “Rhapsody in Blue.”
But it works a lot better than you'd expect, because it's consistent with Luhrmann's vision, which also plays up Gatsby's status as a tabloid figure, something previous screen versions -- including the pretty but lumbering 1974 effort starring Robert Redford and Mia Farrow -- have played down.
Gatsby, memorably introduced with the backing of Gershwin and a spectaular fireworks display, makes a rare appearance at one of his own parties because he wants a reluctant Nick to arrange a reunion with Daisy, never mind that she’s married with a child.
Maguire provides some much needed levity, something in short supply in previous screen renderings.
When Gatsby arrives at Nick’s humble cottage with an army of servants bearing flowers, he earnestly asks Nick “Do you think it’s too much?’’ and his host replies diplomatically, “I think it’s what you want.”
Gatsby even slips through the back door when Daisy shows up — even though it’s pouring — and returns, as if he’s just arrived, sopping wet. It’s a bold directorial choice that telegraphs just how the character’s over-eagerness will eventually dash his romantic dreams.
Even better is a showdown in a sweltering hotel room between Gatsby and Tom -- a role that Ben Affleck was born to play and had to relinquish to the less suitable Edgerton because of a schedule conflict. Luhrmann has never handled actors anywhere near as well in the past.
Mulligan, who plays the fickle Daisy, gives a solid if uncharismatic performance and rocks period fashions. It’s hard to see how her Daisy would inspire Gatsby to reinvent himself as a wealthy faux gentleman to win back her hand. The role should have been handed to Elizabeth Debicki, who makes a stunning US debut as Daisy’s haughty pal Jordan Baker (though she doesn't have much to do in the second half of the movie).
As “The Great Gatsby” hurtles like the antihero's roadster toward its tragic climax, the crucial subplot centering on Tom’s mistress, Myrtle Wilson (Isla Fisher), and her garage-owner husband, George (Jason Clarke), is compromised by miscasting. And whose idea was it to have Indian actor Amitabh Bachchan play Jewish gangster Meyer Wolfsheim?
But DiCaprio makes a splendid, Oscar-caliber Gatsby, capturing the dark side behind his affected bonhomie as no actor has done since Alan Ladd in 1949. He's perfectly abetted by Maguire's hard-drinking Nick, whose yearnings may never be fulfilled. The actor also gives a fine reading of the narration taken mostly from the book, which also appears from time to time in text form on the screen. That's one way to get young audiences to read the classics.
But then you look at Luhrmann’s astonishing re-creation of Fitzgerald’s Valley of the Ashes (now Flushing Meadow Park), where the Wilsons live under the merciless gaze of a dentist’s sign. To me, this sight alone is worth the price of admission for a movie that may not be truly great but certainly stands out like a beacon in a sea of silly blockbusters.
Claudia Puig, USA TODAY10:28 p.m. EDT May 8, 2013
2. Jazzy visuals drown out the subtlety of the classic American novel.
Frenzied and overwrought, Baz Luhrmann'sThe Great Gatsbyis a glitz-filled folly.
The director has fashioned a gaudy long-form music video — all kaleidoscopic spectacle and little substance — rather than a radiant new take on an American literary classic.
F. Scott Fitzgerald's epic tragedy is lost amid the lavish excess (** out of four; rated PG-13; opens Thursday night in select theaters and Friday nationwide).
So much effort seems to have gone into the eye-popping production design, swooping camera work and anachronistic musical score that the result is hyper-active cacophony rather than enthralling entertainment.
For those who don't remember their high school English classes, The Great Gatsby is the tale of the mysterious self-made millionaire Jay Gatsby, as seen through the eyes of his next-door neighbor Nick Carraway.
Gatsby (Leonardo DiCaprio) has bought an impossibly luxurious mansion on Long Island for one purpose: to grab the attention of Daisy Buchanan (Carey Mulligan), the socialite he has obsessively loved since they courted five years before. He throws outlandishly sumptuous parties in the hopes that one day she will stop by.
FASHION: In 'Great Gatsby,' polished fashion pizzazz prevails
GUIDE: USA TODAY's Summer Movie Calendar
MORE: The latest movie reviews from USA TODAY
GUIDE: USA TODAY's Summer Movie Calendar
MORE: The latest movie reviews from USA TODAY
Daisy is married to Tom Buchanan (Joel Edgerton) and lives across the water from Gatsby. Nick (Tobey Maguire) is her distant cousin. When Gatsby learns of their connection, he persuades Nick to invite Daisy to tea, intent on rekindling her affections.
For a while their passion flares, but things end badly for this party-hearty bunch.
Luhrmann is drawn to tales of impossible love — see his William Shakespeare's Romeo + Juliet and Moulin Rouge! So Gatsby would seem to be in his wheelhouse. But while his version is undeniably resplendent, the story's emotional beats fall flat.
In the novel, when no one shows up for Gatsby's final gathering, it's a poignant moment. But in the movie that scene is almost glanced over.
The performances are generally lackluster. DiCaprio has some of the haunted qualities of Gatsby, but also comes off as dully aloof. He and Mulligan lack chemistry. Edgerton plays the role of Tom as if twirling a villain's mustache. Maguire is serviceable, but bland.
Luhrmann's 3-D visual flourishes feel superfluous: Occasionally, words pop out across the screen as Nick feverishly writes Gatsby's tale, and feathers, confetti and streamers fly toward the audience during Gatsby's orgiastic soirees. None of it contributes to a sense of immersion.
The melange of hip hop, pop and jazz might have worked if the rest of the film hadn't been bent on overkill. Interspersing the music of Jay-Z, Beyoncé and Lana Del Rey makes commercial sense for attracting young audiences. But it feels more calculated than artfully integrated.
The film conveys the decadence of a moneyed crowd in the Roaring '20s. But nothing about the story is moving, or remotely subtle. While it can be argued that Fitzgerald employed rather overt symbolism, his words were also marked by nuance, which Luhrmann essentially obliterates.
A key scene stands out for its significance: Gatsby takes Daisy on a tour of his estate. Elated to have her in his house and conscious of his vast wealth, he goes into his bedroom, pulls out dozens of custom-made tailored shirts and throws them on the bed. Daisy buries her face in the shirts and sobs at their beauty.
It's as if Luhrmann used that scene for his template. His version of The Great Gatsbyis stylish, colorful material piled on in excess and tinged with overheated melodrama.
3. The Great Gatsby: Film Review
9:28 PM PDT 5/5/2013 by Todd McCarthy
The Bottom Line
A hugely elaborate, well-cast adaptation of an American classic that will provoke every possible reaction.
Opens
May 10 (U.S.), May 15-17 (Europe) Cannes Film Festival (opening night) (Warner Bros.)
Leonardo DiCaprio, Tobey Maguire and Carey Mulligan star in Baz Luhrmann's adaptation of the F. Scott Fitzgerald novel.
The center holds amidst all the razzle-dazzle and razzmatazz of Baz Luhrmann's endlessly extravagant screen adaptation of F. Scott Fitzgerald's imperishable The Great Gatsby.
OUR EDITOR RECOMMENDS
As is inevitable with the Australian showman, who's never met a scene he didn't think could be improved by more music, costumes, extras and camera tricks, this enormous production begins by being over-the-top and moves on from there. But, given the immoderate lifestyle of the title character, this approach is not exactly inappropriate, even if it is at sharp odds with the refined nature of the author's prose. Although the dramatic challenges posed by the character of narrator Nick Carraway remain problematic, the cast is first-rate, the ambiance and story provide a measure of intoxication and, most importantly, the core thematic concerns pertaining to the American dream, self-reinvention and love lost, regained and lost again are tenaciously addressed.
Set to open the Cannes Film Festival on May 15, five days after its U.S. theatrical bow, the Warner Bros. release stands to receive the full range of critical responses and is backed by an unstinting promotional push to spark big openings, which are far from assured. Its ultimate box office fate, though, will be determined by whether or not the film catches on with younger audiences; it'll be a matter of the zeitgeist.
At the very least, Luhrmann must be given credit for delivering a real interpretation of the famous 1925 novel, something not seriously attempted by the previous two big screen adaptations (there was a now-lost 1926 silent version). Paramount's long-elusive 1949 release, directed by Elliott Nugent, suffered from threadbare production values and uneven performances but Alan Ladd was a terrific Gatsby. The same studio's second attempt, in 1974, felt suffocating and stillborn; it had the wrong director in Jack Clayton, and Robert Redford was opaque in the title role. A 2000 television adaptation did not make a significant impression.
For many, the thought of Luhrmann tarting up such a revered classic with 3-D, anachronistic Jay Zand Beyonce music, techno-spiced party scenes and Australian locations was sacrilegious, if not criminal. Perhaps even fans of what the director did with William Shakespeare's Romeo + Juliet and Moulin Rouge! might have wondered if he was the right guy to take on the work most often proposed as The Great American Novel.
But no matter how frenzied and elaborate and sometimes distracting his technique may be, Luhrmann's personal connection and commitment to the material remains palpable, which makes for a film that, most of the time, feels vibrantly alive while remaining quite faithful to the spirit, if not the letter or the tone, of its source.
It begins gently, in patchy black-and-white that, accompanied by somber music, turns into a depth-enhancing color 3-D frame that provides an equivalent for Luhrmann's previous red curtains and at length gives way to the famous green light at the end of Daisy's pier. Curiously, we are introduced to Nick (Tobey Maguire) as a patient in a sanitarium, where he begins to tell a doctor (Jack Thompson) the story of what happened during the summer of 1922.
Luhrmann's cultural collisions and dislocations then commence as a synthesis of archival footage and CGI (some of which looks to feature the Empire State Building and other yet-to-be-built skyscrapers a decade before their time, and one shot featuring an unlikely copy of James Joyce's Ulysses, which had only just been published in Paris) inflected on the track by modern music, all to the purpose of evoking the Jazz Age that Fitzgerald did so much to name and popularize. A polite lad of modest means trying to find a toehold on Wall Street, Nick was at Yale with rich bruiser Tom Buchanan (Joel Edgerton) and has taken a little house in West Egg, Long Island, right across the bay from Tom and his wife, Daisy (Carey Mulligan), and in the shadow of the ostentatious mansion owned by the elusive Jay Gatsby.
Everybody from party girls to politicians comes to Gatsby's extravagant parties, where the booze flows and the music plays and the carousing goes on all night. But no one ever sees the host, whose wealth is surpassed only by his mysteriousness. No one knows where he or his money came from but, during the nocturnal bacchanals, no one much cares.
Luhrmann and his ever-essential design collaborator (and co-producer and wife) Catherine Martinalways seem extra-stimulated by such scenes, which involve hundreds of ornate costumes, constant movement and music, which here imposes blends as unlikely as hip hop and Gershwin's Rhapsody in Blue. Whether you can abide some of the specific musical choices or not, the way Luhrmann and his music editors mix and match wildly disparate source material is ballsy and impressive; the operating principle is mood and emotion, with a surprise element that can be jarring and/or inspired.
In time-honored dramatic fashion, Gatsby's entrance is delayed for a half-hour and, when the moment comes, there's something in the way it's shot combined with the self-possessed I-own-the-world smile on Leonardo DiCaprio's face that reminds of the first time you see the young Charles Foster Kane in an earlier film about a fellow with more money than he knows what to do with. This moment and, even more so, in the superb compositions and cutting of Gatsby's death, show how classically precise Luhrmann can be when he wants to be. Throughout, he photographs DiCaprio the way a movie star used to be shot -- glamorously and admiringly, taking full advantage of the charismatic attributes with which only the anointed few are blessed.
Brandishing his favorite phrase, “Old sport,” as well as a slightly affected accent no doubt carefully cultivated to disguise his origins, Gatsby befriends the innocent Nick, whom he asks to arrange a rendezvous with Daisy, his sweetheart from five years earlier when he was a soldier off to Europe and the battlefront. Having already been taken into New York by Tom and his mistress, Myrtle (Isla Fisher), for a debauched afternoon, Nick now accompanies Gatsby for lunch at a mixed-race speakeasy with notorious gambling associate Meyer Wolfshiem (curiously impersonated by Indian cinema star Amitabh Bachchan).
Once Gatsby and Daisy reunite, nearly an hour in, the film settles down a bit to focus on Gatsby's sincere effort to recapture the girl who got away, who, when he went to war, married rich boy Tom. Gatsby wants to believe they can rewind the clock to the moment when they fell in love, to the purity of what they once had. “If I could just get back to the start,” he says, choosing to ignore Nick's warning that, “You can't repeat the past.”
They do try, organizing a nervous lunch to break the news to Tom, then heading into Manhattan on a sweltering afternoon where, in room at the Plaza, everyone's truths come tumbling out, followed by tragedy on the road back and, ultimately, in Gatsby's pool. The precipitating automobile accident is perhaps too sketchily portrayed for full impact, and the final stretch is slowed by too much commentary by Nick, who has become a bit of a bore by now.
Narrator/observer characters like Nick, or Stingo in Sophie's Choice, are almost always uncomfortable fits onscreen, especially when they're far more bland and naive than everyone else around them but still prone to making assessments and judgments about people actually living life rather than standing to the side of it. This is exacerbated here by an element of hero worship towards Gatsby that distorts the more wistful, ambivalent attitude conveyed in the book's final pages. Maguire's slightly aging boyishness has become tiresome by the film's second half and a reduction of Nick's concluding commentary would have helped.
By contrast, we don't see enough of Daisy's best friend, the sporty, haughty Jordan Baker, who epitomizes the sort of modern 20th-century woman who has just arrived, newly hatched, in the world and will take from it what she pleases. Australian newcomer Elizabeth Debicki, who, with her towering slim build, black hair and pool-like blue eyes resembles an elongated Zooey Deschanel, is terrific as far as the part goes, but after a few prominent scenes up front, the character recedes.
After a number of roles which, however well acted, may not have been comfortably in his wheelhouse, DiCaprio looks and feels just right as Gatsby; the glamor and allure as at one with his film star persona, he's sufficiently savvy to convince as a successful bootlegger but still young enough to recapture the hopes and innocence of youth.
Daisy is a difficult character for any actress to embody to everyone's satisfaction because she's a woman onto whom the reader tends to project one's own ideal. Accordingly, viewers will debate whether or not Mulligan has the beauty, the bearing, the dream qualities desired for the part, but she lucidly portrays the desperate tear Daisy feels between her unquestionable love for Gatsby and fear of her husband. Edgerton is excellent as the proud, entitled and seething bully Tom.
Opulence defines the production values, led by Martin's sets and costumes. As for the use of 3-D by Luhrmann and cinematographer Simon Duggan, it is probably the most naturalistic aspect of the film; only rarely do you notice it in a pronounced way and yet it really does add something to the experience, drawing you in as if escorting you through a series of opening gates, doors and emotional states.
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Thursday, May 23 - Peer editing college essays
Do Now:
- Take out your 2 different college essays.
- Skim through both and decide which one you would like to work on today.
- Partner with someone who will give you honest feedback, not simply complimentary feedback!
- If we have an odd number of students, we will need a group of 3.
- If the peer editing "runs out of time" we will continue on Friday.
GATSBY FIELD TRIP REMINDER:
Permission slips and money MUST be brought in by tomorrow, Friday, or you can't go on the GATSBY FIELD TRIP! If you have your forms and money, please give them to Ms. O'Keefe, or the teacher covering class today.
SWBAT:
- Reflect on their writing in an honest, objective manner.
- Gain perspectives on other students writing.
FULL Group Activity- Read as a class: From The National Association of College Counselors
Top Ten Tips for Writing a College Essay
Start early. The more time you have, the less stress you'll have. You'll have plenty of time to give the essay your best effort.
Be yourself. Take a moment to think about what interests you, what you love to talk about, what makes you sit up and take notice if it's mentioned in class or on TV. Then write about it. One of the biggest mistakes students make is "writing what they think others want to hear, rather than about an issue, event, or person that really had significance for them," says an admission and financial aid officiat at a New York college. An essay like that is not just boring to write, it's boring to read.
Be honest. You're running late (see #1), you can't think of what to write, and someone e-mails you a heartwarming story. With just a tweak here and there, it could be a great essay, you think. It's what you would have written if you'd just had enough time. Don't be fooled! College admission officers have read hundreds, even thousands of essays. They are masters at discovering any form of plagiarism. Adapting an e-mail story, buying an essay from some Internet site, getting someone else to write your essay, admission people have seen it all. Don't risk your college career by taking the easy way out.
Take a risk. On the other hand, some risks can pay off. Don't settle for the essay that everyone else is writing. Imagine an admission officer up late, reading the fiftieth essay of the day, yours. Do you want that person to nod off because he or she has already read ten essays on that topic? "The danger lies not in writing bad essays but in writing common essays, the one that admission officers are going to read dozens of," says an associate director at a Pennsylvania high school. "My advice? Ask your friends what they are writing, and then don't write about that!"
Be yourself. Take a moment to think about what interests you, what you love to talk about, what makes you sit up and take notice if it's mentioned in class or on TV. Then write about it. One of the biggest mistakes students make is "writing what they think others want to hear, rather than about an issue, event, or person that really had significance for them," says an admission and financial aid officiat at a New York college. An essay like that is not just boring to write, it's boring to read.
Be honest. You're running late (see #1), you can't think of what to write, and someone e-mails you a heartwarming story. With just a tweak here and there, it could be a great essay, you think. It's what you would have written if you'd just had enough time. Don't be fooled! College admission officers have read hundreds, even thousands of essays. They are masters at discovering any form of plagiarism. Adapting an e-mail story, buying an essay from some Internet site, getting someone else to write your essay, admission people have seen it all. Don't risk your college career by taking the easy way out.
Take a risk. On the other hand, some risks can pay off. Don't settle for the essay that everyone else is writing. Imagine an admission officer up late, reading the fiftieth essay of the day, yours. Do you want that person to nod off because he or she has already read ten essays on that topic? "The danger lies not in writing bad essays but in writing common essays, the one that admission officers are going to read dozens of," says an associate director at a Pennsylvania high school. "My advice? Ask your friends what they are writing, and then don't write about that!"
Keep in focus. This is your chance to tell admission officers exactly why they should admit you. Unfortunately, some students try to list every single reason, their stellar academic record, their athletic prowess, their community service, all in a page or two. When that happens, the essay looks like a grocery list. Even though the Common Application main essay has only a suggested minimum of 250 words, and no upper limit, every admissions officer has a big stack to read every day; he or she expects to spend only a couple of minutes on the essay. If you go over 700 words, you are straining their patience, which no one should want to do. Instead, read the essay question carefully and jot down a few ideas. Then choose the one that looks like the most fun to write about. Stick to that main theme throughout the essay. You don't have to list all your achievements, that's what the rest of the application is for. Use the essay in a creative way to help the admission officers get to know you as a person.
Write and rewrite. Don't try to write a masterpiece on your first try. It's not possible, and all that pressure is likely to give you writer's block. For your first draft, write anything that comes to mind about your topic. Don't worry too much about grammar or spelling. Just get it down on paper (or computer screen). Then let it "rest" for a few hours or a few days. When you come back to the draft, look for ways to make it more focused and better written. Some people are "fat" writers: they write long, wordy first drafts that need to be shortened later. Others are "skinny" writers: they write short and simple first drafts and then need to add details or examples to "flesh out" the skeleton. Either way, don't be afraid to make major changes at this stage. Are there details that don't really relate to the topic? Cut them. Do you need another example? Put it in.
Here are two other things to try, suggested by one college counselor.
• Remove the introductory and concluding paragraphs, and then see if your essay seems stronger. These paragraphs are often the most likely to have unnecessary detail.
• Go through the essay and cut out every "very" and every "many." Words like these are vague, and your writing is often stronger without them.
Get a second opinion. Even best-selling novelists ask other people to read their manuscripts before they're sent to the publisher. When you've rewritten the essay to your satisfaction, find someone who can give you advice on how to make it even better. Choose a person you respect and who knows something about writing, a favorite English teacher, a parent, or a friend who writes for the school paper. Ask them to tell you what they like best about your essay, and what you can do to improve it. Criticism of your writing can be tough to hear, but try to listen with an open mind. You don't have to make every change suggested, after all, it's your essay and no one else's, but you should seriously consider each suggestion.
Here are two other things to try, suggested by one college counselor.
• Remove the introductory and concluding paragraphs, and then see if your essay seems stronger. These paragraphs are often the most likely to have unnecessary detail.
• Go through the essay and cut out every "very" and every "many." Words like these are vague, and your writing is often stronger without them.
Get a second opinion. Even best-selling novelists ask other people to read their manuscripts before they're sent to the publisher. When you've rewritten the essay to your satisfaction, find someone who can give you advice on how to make it even better. Choose a person you respect and who knows something about writing, a favorite English teacher, a parent, or a friend who writes for the school paper. Ask them to tell you what they like best about your essay, and what you can do to improve it. Criticism of your writing can be tough to hear, but try to listen with an open mind. You don't have to make every change suggested, after all, it's your essay and no one else's, but you should seriously consider each suggestion.
Proofread. Finally, you're ready to send your essay. Not so fast! Read it over one more time, looking for those little errors that can creep in as you write or edit. If you're using a computer, also run a spell check. Sometimes, it can be difficult to catch minor typos—you've read the essay so many times that you see what should be there rather than what is there. To make sure you catch everything, try reading your essay out loud or having someone else read it out loud to you. Another strategy is to read the essay backward, from the last sentence to the first. That makes it just unfamiliar enough for errors to stand out.
Be accurate. Applying online is just as serious as applying "the old-fashioned way." It may feel like you're sending e-mail, but you're not. "One thing I've often seen is that students who apply online submit sub-par essays," says an Oregon director of admission. He has found that essays submitted online tend to be much shorter than those submitted on paper. In addition, students often use e-mail language, no capitalization, or abbreviations such as BTW or "thanx, "which are not appropriate to a formal document. Make sure that you put as much effort into an online essay as you would if you were sending it snail mail.
Be accurate. Applying online is just as serious as applying "the old-fashioned way." It may feel like you're sending e-mail, but you're not. "One thing I've often seen is that students who apply online submit sub-par essays," says an Oregon director of admission. He has found that essays submitted online tend to be much shorter than those submitted on paper. In addition, students often use e-mail language, no capitalization, or abbreviations such as BTW or "thanx, "which are not appropriate to a formal document. Make sure that you put as much effort into an online essay as you would if you were sending it snail mail.
Don't expect too much from an essay. The application essay is important, but it's not the only thing that is considered. "Can [the essay] make a difference in getting the 'thin versus thick' envelope? Absolutely," says the New York director. "But that is the exception rather than the rule." That's because admission officers look at the whole package, your academics, extracurricular activities, standardized tests, and other factors. A great essay rarely makes up for a weak academic record. On the other hand, a mediocre essay won't necessarily consign your application to the "deny" list. So make your essay as well-written as you can, but don't put so much pressure on yourself that the rest of the application fades in importance.
Peer editing: Copy into a word document and email or print for your partner(s)
Peer Editing: College Essay
Name on paper: Your name:
1.) The essay... _____ (5) has a memorable story that captures the reader’s interest and attention _____ (4) has an okay story that needs more drama, interest, or suspense _____ (2) may be interesting to the writer but needs a more general spark to interest others. _____ (4) has a intriguing, insightful reflection clearly connected to the narrative _____ (2) has a reflection part but it seems forced or has no original insights. _____ (0) has no reflection
2.) The narrative part is... _____ (5) is well-paced. Each event is given the right amount of time. Less important aspects are summarized quickly while more important aspects are described with descriptive detail. _____ (3) takes too long to get to its climax _____ (3) arrives at climax too quickly _____ (2) has a first sentence that awakens the reader _____ (1) has an average first sentence
3.) The second section of the body paragraphs... _____ (4) continues the story by telling the effects of the main event and starts reflecting on it. _____ (3) starts reflecting on the story but stops telling it. _____ (1) continues the story by focusing on the effects but doesn’t reflect on it.
4.) The conclusion... _____ (3) seems thoughtful, fresh, insightful, and interesting. _____ (1) seems a bit too predictable. _____ (4) includes insightful explanation of the significance of the narrative and leaves the reader with something to think about. _____ (3) includes explanation of the narrative and gives a predictable final thought. _____ (0) ends the story but never talks about its significance.
5.) The last part of the essay... _____ (2) has a strong clincher _____ (1) could use a stronger hook _____ (0) leaves the reader hanging
6.) The essay contains words that (check all that apply)... _____ (5) have great examples of imagery and descriptive writing _____ (3) uses clichés or other predictable language. _____ (3) uses strong sensory descriptions _____ (2) uses average sensory descriptions (suggest improvements) _____ (3) has great verbs that are very descriptive and specific _____ (1) contains average verbs including is, are, get/got, have/has, am/are.
7.) The essay has... _____ (3) clear organization that is easy to follow. _____ (2) organization that sometimes makes random jumps or confuses the reader. _____ (0) confusing organization. _____ (2) separate paragraphs for each idea. _____ (0) seems to need more paragraph breaks.
8.) Mark any “to be” verb (am, is, are, were, was, be, being, been, become, became) and check the correct box. ______ (5) The essay uses less than five of them. ______ (4) The essay uses 6-7 of them.
______ (3) The essay uses 8-9 of them.. ______ (0) The essay uses more than 10 of them.
Now start making suggestions to move their essay up to a higher point section.
Accessed from http://www.unc.edu/~dcderosa/Draftworkshops/tobeverbs.html on November 6, 2008.
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