- Take out your 2 different college essays.
- Skim through both and decide which one you would like to work on today.
- Partner with someone who will give you honest feedback, not simply complimentary feedback!
- If we have an odd number of students, we will need a group of 3.
- If the peer editing "runs out of time" we will continue on Friday.
GATSBY FIELD TRIP REMINDER:
Permission slips and money MUST be brought in by tomorrow, Friday, or you can't go on the GATSBY FIELD TRIP! If you have your forms and money, please give them to Ms. O'Keefe, or the teacher covering class today.
SWBAT:
- Reflect on their writing in an honest, objective manner.
- Gain perspectives on other students writing.
FULL Group Activity- Read as a class: From The National Association of College Counselors
Top Ten Tips for Writing a College Essay
Start early. The more time you have, the less stress you'll have. You'll have plenty of time to give the essay your best effort.
Be yourself. Take a moment to think about what interests you, what you love to talk about, what makes you sit up and take notice if it's mentioned in class or on TV. Then write about it. One of the biggest mistakes students make is "writing what they think others want to hear, rather than about an issue, event, or person that really had significance for them," says an admission and financial aid officiat at a New York college. An essay like that is not just boring to write, it's boring to read.
Be honest. You're running late (see #1), you can't think of what to write, and someone e-mails you a heartwarming story. With just a tweak here and there, it could be a great essay, you think. It's what you would have written if you'd just had enough time. Don't be fooled! College admission officers have read hundreds, even thousands of essays. They are masters at discovering any form of plagiarism. Adapting an e-mail story, buying an essay from some Internet site, getting someone else to write your essay, admission people have seen it all. Don't risk your college career by taking the easy way out.
Take a risk. On the other hand, some risks can pay off. Don't settle for the essay that everyone else is writing. Imagine an admission officer up late, reading the fiftieth essay of the day, yours. Do you want that person to nod off because he or she has already read ten essays on that topic? "The danger lies not in writing bad essays but in writing common essays, the one that admission officers are going to read dozens of," says an associate director at a Pennsylvania high school. "My advice? Ask your friends what they are writing, and then don't write about that!"
Be yourself. Take a moment to think about what interests you, what you love to talk about, what makes you sit up and take notice if it's mentioned in class or on TV. Then write about it. One of the biggest mistakes students make is "writing what they think others want to hear, rather than about an issue, event, or person that really had significance for them," says an admission and financial aid officiat at a New York college. An essay like that is not just boring to write, it's boring to read.
Be honest. You're running late (see #1), you can't think of what to write, and someone e-mails you a heartwarming story. With just a tweak here and there, it could be a great essay, you think. It's what you would have written if you'd just had enough time. Don't be fooled! College admission officers have read hundreds, even thousands of essays. They are masters at discovering any form of plagiarism. Adapting an e-mail story, buying an essay from some Internet site, getting someone else to write your essay, admission people have seen it all. Don't risk your college career by taking the easy way out.
Take a risk. On the other hand, some risks can pay off. Don't settle for the essay that everyone else is writing. Imagine an admission officer up late, reading the fiftieth essay of the day, yours. Do you want that person to nod off because he or she has already read ten essays on that topic? "The danger lies not in writing bad essays but in writing common essays, the one that admission officers are going to read dozens of," says an associate director at a Pennsylvania high school. "My advice? Ask your friends what they are writing, and then don't write about that!"
Keep in focus. This is your chance to tell admission officers exactly why they should admit you. Unfortunately, some students try to list every single reason, their stellar academic record, their athletic prowess, their community service, all in a page or two. When that happens, the essay looks like a grocery list. Even though the Common Application main essay has only a suggested minimum of 250 words, and no upper limit, every admissions officer has a big stack to read every day; he or she expects to spend only a couple of minutes on the essay. If you go over 700 words, you are straining their patience, which no one should want to do. Instead, read the essay question carefully and jot down a few ideas. Then choose the one that looks like the most fun to write about. Stick to that main theme throughout the essay. You don't have to list all your achievements, that's what the rest of the application is for. Use the essay in a creative way to help the admission officers get to know you as a person.
Write and rewrite. Don't try to write a masterpiece on your first try. It's not possible, and all that pressure is likely to give you writer's block. For your first draft, write anything that comes to mind about your topic. Don't worry too much about grammar or spelling. Just get it down on paper (or computer screen). Then let it "rest" for a few hours or a few days. When you come back to the draft, look for ways to make it more focused and better written. Some people are "fat" writers: they write long, wordy first drafts that need to be shortened later. Others are "skinny" writers: they write short and simple first drafts and then need to add details or examples to "flesh out" the skeleton. Either way, don't be afraid to make major changes at this stage. Are there details that don't really relate to the topic? Cut them. Do you need another example? Put it in.
Here are two other things to try, suggested by one college counselor.
• Remove the introductory and concluding paragraphs, and then see if your essay seems stronger. These paragraphs are often the most likely to have unnecessary detail.
• Go through the essay and cut out every "very" and every "many." Words like these are vague, and your writing is often stronger without them.
Get a second opinion. Even best-selling novelists ask other people to read their manuscripts before they're sent to the publisher. When you've rewritten the essay to your satisfaction, find someone who can give you advice on how to make it even better. Choose a person you respect and who knows something about writing, a favorite English teacher, a parent, or a friend who writes for the school paper. Ask them to tell you what they like best about your essay, and what you can do to improve it. Criticism of your writing can be tough to hear, but try to listen with an open mind. You don't have to make every change suggested, after all, it's your essay and no one else's, but you should seriously consider each suggestion.
Here are two other things to try, suggested by one college counselor.
• Remove the introductory and concluding paragraphs, and then see if your essay seems stronger. These paragraphs are often the most likely to have unnecessary detail.
• Go through the essay and cut out every "very" and every "many." Words like these are vague, and your writing is often stronger without them.
Get a second opinion. Even best-selling novelists ask other people to read their manuscripts before they're sent to the publisher. When you've rewritten the essay to your satisfaction, find someone who can give you advice on how to make it even better. Choose a person you respect and who knows something about writing, a favorite English teacher, a parent, or a friend who writes for the school paper. Ask them to tell you what they like best about your essay, and what you can do to improve it. Criticism of your writing can be tough to hear, but try to listen with an open mind. You don't have to make every change suggested, after all, it's your essay and no one else's, but you should seriously consider each suggestion.
Proofread. Finally, you're ready to send your essay. Not so fast! Read it over one more time, looking for those little errors that can creep in as you write or edit. If you're using a computer, also run a spell check. Sometimes, it can be difficult to catch minor typos—you've read the essay so many times that you see what should be there rather than what is there. To make sure you catch everything, try reading your essay out loud or having someone else read it out loud to you. Another strategy is to read the essay backward, from the last sentence to the first. That makes it just unfamiliar enough for errors to stand out.
Be accurate. Applying online is just as serious as applying "the old-fashioned way." It may feel like you're sending e-mail, but you're not. "One thing I've often seen is that students who apply online submit sub-par essays," says an Oregon director of admission. He has found that essays submitted online tend to be much shorter than those submitted on paper. In addition, students often use e-mail language, no capitalization, or abbreviations such as BTW or "thanx, "which are not appropriate to a formal document. Make sure that you put as much effort into an online essay as you would if you were sending it snail mail.
Be accurate. Applying online is just as serious as applying "the old-fashioned way." It may feel like you're sending e-mail, but you're not. "One thing I've often seen is that students who apply online submit sub-par essays," says an Oregon director of admission. He has found that essays submitted online tend to be much shorter than those submitted on paper. In addition, students often use e-mail language, no capitalization, or abbreviations such as BTW or "thanx, "which are not appropriate to a formal document. Make sure that you put as much effort into an online essay as you would if you were sending it snail mail.
Don't expect too much from an essay. The application essay is important, but it's not the only thing that is considered. "Can [the essay] make a difference in getting the 'thin versus thick' envelope? Absolutely," says the New York director. "But that is the exception rather than the rule." That's because admission officers look at the whole package, your academics, extracurricular activities, standardized tests, and other factors. A great essay rarely makes up for a weak academic record. On the other hand, a mediocre essay won't necessarily consign your application to the "deny" list. So make your essay as well-written as you can, but don't put so much pressure on yourself that the rest of the application fades in importance.
Peer editing: Copy into a word document and email or print for your partner(s)
Peer Editing: College Essay
Name on paper: Your name:
1.) The essay... _____ (5) has a memorable story that captures the reader’s interest and attention _____ (4) has an okay story that needs more drama, interest, or suspense _____ (2) may be interesting to the writer but needs a more general spark to interest others. _____ (4) has a intriguing, insightful reflection clearly connected to the narrative _____ (2) has a reflection part but it seems forced or has no original insights. _____ (0) has no reflection
2.) The narrative part is... _____ (5) is well-paced. Each event is given the right amount of time. Less important aspects are summarized quickly while more important aspects are described with descriptive detail. _____ (3) takes too long to get to its climax _____ (3) arrives at climax too quickly _____ (2) has a first sentence that awakens the reader _____ (1) has an average first sentence
3.) The second section of the body paragraphs... _____ (4) continues the story by telling the effects of the main event and starts reflecting on it. _____ (3) starts reflecting on the story but stops telling it. _____ (1) continues the story by focusing on the effects but doesn’t reflect on it.
4.) The conclusion... _____ (3) seems thoughtful, fresh, insightful, and interesting. _____ (1) seems a bit too predictable. _____ (4) includes insightful explanation of the significance of the narrative and leaves the reader with something to think about. _____ (3) includes explanation of the narrative and gives a predictable final thought. _____ (0) ends the story but never talks about its significance.
5.) The last part of the essay... _____ (2) has a strong clincher _____ (1) could use a stronger hook _____ (0) leaves the reader hanging
6.) The essay contains words that (check all that apply)... _____ (5) have great examples of imagery and descriptive writing _____ (3) uses clichés or other predictable language. _____ (3) uses strong sensory descriptions _____ (2) uses average sensory descriptions (suggest improvements) _____ (3) has great verbs that are very descriptive and specific _____ (1) contains average verbs including is, are, get/got, have/has, am/are.
7.) The essay has... _____ (3) clear organization that is easy to follow. _____ (2) organization that sometimes makes random jumps or confuses the reader. _____ (0) confusing organization. _____ (2) separate paragraphs for each idea. _____ (0) seems to need more paragraph breaks.
8.) Mark any “to be” verb (am, is, are, were, was, be, being, been, become, became) and check the correct box. ______ (5) The essay uses less than five of them. ______ (4) The essay uses 6-7 of them.
______ (3) The essay uses 8-9 of them.. ______ (0) The essay uses more than 10 of them.
Now start making suggestions to move their essay up to a higher point section.
Accessed from http://www.unc.edu/~dcderosa/Draftworkshops/tobeverbs.html on November 6, 2008.
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